Dad passed last night shortly after midnight. My stepsister joked that she knew he was waiting til April fool's day to get one more joke in before he left. He had to go out on a high note...
Here is what I plan on sharing at the service Saturday...its a little repetitive if you have read my last post but I felt I needed to share my experience of God's love and peace with my family:
First, I just want to share a little about my experience processing Dad’s death.
I was so glad we made the trip down on Tuesday to see Dad before his passing. I was able to truly say goodbye, knowing it was the end. I was also able to connect and process some grief with R. I cannot even fathom what she has gone through, not only the past few weeks, but the years of caring for Dad as his health has been failing. She loves him so dearly - it is plain to see. One thing I realized as I began to process Dad’s death was that I am so thankful to have Christ in my life. I truly have a peace that passes understanding. I think to some it may seem odd and almost stoic but I just have full confidence in God's will and accept that this is what is best for my dad. I'm still sad and I cry. While I was alone with Dad I was able to let it out and again the day after he passed. I will continue to do so as grief tends to come in waves for me. But I know that, with me, I have the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our troubles. I have a God who turns my mourning into dancing. He is with me and I am with Him. I have his peace like a river flowing through me and my faith in Him will not be shaken. I praise Him for His love and kindness. I praise Him for all the wonderful memories I have of my Dad.
The six hours between when I left Dad and when he left us, I found myself overcome with an incredible joy and peace that could only be explained as supernatural. I know Dad would be glad to hear that on the night of his passing, I got the best sleep I’d had in weeks, knowing that “everything was going to be okay,” because that is what he always told me. As we have persevered through these last few weeks, I know that God has poured out his compassion and mercy over me. He has kept me strong in faith and protected me from myself. He has put his arms around me and said "it’s okay, I've got you." Although I might have lost my earthly father, I have an amazing heavenly father who is able to do exceedingly more abundantly than I could ever hope for or imagine and for that I can never be thankful enough.
Now about Dad…Dad lived a long and amazing life. He never had it easy. As a child he suffered much loss and endured much pain. Unfortunately, we often repeat what we know. I know that I am blessed to have had Dad in the last 30 years of his life. It was obvious to me that during my lifetime his biggest fear was causing anyone any more pain. It is sad that earlier in his life he missed the opportunity to be the kind of dad he was created to be.
Dad was so smart, amazing with numbers, and had the most fantastic memory especially for movies and trivia. His quick wit and play on words always had us cracking up. And the impersonations were uncanny – my favorite had to be the Count from Seseme Street. Although I may be young to experience the passing of a parent, it is countered by the fact that I have so many good memories. My childhood favorite mac and cheese from the box, learning to ride my bike, staying up too late watch Saturday night live, him giving me his bed and taking the couch, two packs of candy and a slurpee at 7-11 when he picked me up on weekends, McDonald’s pancakes and ice cream sundaes, eating cake at meetings, and Dad bringing R to be my friend. The museums, plays, Chincoteague, Florida trips to visit B and go body surfing. Learning way more than any girl needed to know about baseball, the Oriels in Baltimore and Spring Training in Florida. Winter, Spring, and Summer vacations in Florida – spoiled by the pool, the beach, the sun, and my Daddy. Talking on the phone in college and Dad comforting me with his favorite phrase “everything’s going to be okay”, Father Martin’s Ashley, our time together in Johnstown and Dad holding his newborn grandson L. Visits to Rhinebeck and those wonderful final smiles he gave me in ICU a few weeks ago.
These are just some of my fond memories but I know Dad has touched so many lives from family to friends, from Florida to New York and probably around the globe. Dad did everything he could in the last 30 years to reach out and help someone in need. Just last year I heard friends from Rhinebeck speak of how much his words and support had helped them. Even as he suffered with the loss of his mind and the failing of his body, he was still able to give what he had left to someone else. It may seem Dad now has nothing left to give, but today he gives us his legacy – a legacy of love and generosity. I am proud to call him my father and will cherish how he loved me by working to become a better man each day of his life, doing the best he knew how to do, one day at a time.
