On May 10, 2009 we welcomed J into the world. I went into labor quickly and was rushed into the operating room as J was breech and his foot was coming first. We both made it through the surgery well and within a short time J was contentedly nursing and resting. The first week was a dichotomy, easy caring for the second baby, harder recovering from major surgery. After 2 weeks I was ready to hit the town, having been pent up for so long (it seemed) I really wanted to get back to my "normal" life. By the end of week 3 I was suffering. Not only did the pain come back in my abdomen, but the 3 week growth spurt/fussy time had begun.
On top of all this life and work goes on around me. L has been fairly good but I have found it difficult to keep my cool with him under my sleep deprived circumstances. I question my abilities as a mom everyday. I really just want to take care of my family "properly" but I am now learning its just too much to expect three weeks postpartum.
Not only does family life go on but so does work. We do have extra help but there are certain things like tenant screening and selection that are my job exclusively. Unfortunately we had two openings this month. The first one that I rented I'm fearing I jumped too quickly and will be regretting, the second still isn't rented.
Today I find myself overly stressed. When I was wallowing in my negative attitude, comparing myself to others, something inside said, "stress is a choice". Yes, life is a bit hard right now, but I have so much to be grateful for. It could be so much worse. And honestly, comparing doesn't do my negative attitude any good because I find that I am spoiled compared to most new moms:
I have a husband who can stay home from work pretty much anytime. He is at my beckon call for whatever I need, whether it be sleep, food, errands, or a shower. My in-laws and mother jump at the chance to help me with L, meals, or picking up items at the store. My newborn is healthy and growing. He has enough strength to cry when he's hungry, wet, or just wants to be with me. My two year old has adjusted to his baby brother seamlessly. He loves his parents and just wants our attention, how can I fault him for that. I have a job that enables me to work on my own schedule. I have hired help at work and at home. I have all the materiel things I need and want to make caring for my family easy.
Sometimes I just have to stop and think. This is one of those times. Like David all throughout the Psalms, regardless of his circumstances, he was determined to praise. When he was chased, falsely accused, attacked, he just continued to move closer to God. He was faithful, never doubting God's eternal plan. May I be like David, praising my God through all the trials, never questioning, never wishing things were different, just accepting God knows more than me and He will see me through.
Psalm 71
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
2 Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness;
turn your ear to me and save me.
3 Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
4 Deliver me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of evil and cruel men.
5 For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD,
my confidence since my youth.
6 From birth I have relied on you;
you brought me forth from my mother's womb.
I will ever praise you.
7 I have become like a portent to many,
but you are my strong refuge.
8 My mouth is filled with your praise,
declaring your splendor all day long.
9 Do not cast me away when I am old;
do not forsake me when my strength is gone.
10 For my enemies speak against me;
those who wait to kill me conspire together.
11 They say, "God has forsaken him;
pursue him and seize him,
for no one will rescue him."
12 Be not far from me, O God;
come quickly, O my God, to help me.
13 May my accusers perish in shame;
may those who want to harm me
be covered with scorn and disgrace.
14 But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come.
19 Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God,
you who have done great things.
Who, O God, is like you?
20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor
and comfort me once again.
22 I will praise you with the harp
for your faithfulness, O my God;
I will sing praise to you with the lyre,
O Holy One of Israel.
23 My lips will shout for joy
when I sing praise to you—
I, whom you have redeemed.
24 My tongue will tell of your righteous acts
all day long,
for those who wanted to harm me
have been put to shame and confusion.
