Humble Parenting

Many of us complain about the hurt and damage we received from our parents in our childhood. I understand we all want to do things differently and protect our children from those kinds of hurts. But has it occurred to us that there are other hurts and damage that will be done regardless? What makes us all think we are so great at parenting that we will not screw up our kids just as much as our parents did us? We are SINNERS. We WILL screw up. We all need an extra dose of humility. None of us will be perfect parents. None of us will do EVERYTHING right. And ALL of us will look back on some of our decisions and say “man, I wish I did that differently.” My prayer for my kids is that my children will seek God’s healing for the ways that I fail. Because I WILL fail.

Another thought is that many of us judge and say well if I did what THEY do my kids would respond this way, so therefore its wrong. For example I might say if I let my 5 and 3 year old boys eat what they want, whenever they were hungry they would eat every two hours and chose junk food. Well that is because I have trained them to eat what I tell them. They dont have many chances to choose and when they do choose they want something special that they dont get all the time. For someone who has trained their child from the start to chose good healthy foods all the time, who never gave them candy or chips, their child at 5 may be able to be trusted to choose his menu. You get the idea. Its all about the training.

We need to stop comparing. "Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else." Gal 6:4

And stop judging how God made each one of us different. "But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me [OR THEM] like this?' Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?" Rom 9:20-21

Luke 18:9-14 "To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ 13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ 14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Divisions in Christian Parenting

Today I went online to my favorite christian parenting forum and found a thread which prompted an awesome Bible study for me. I know it's long but if you will bear with me there are some wonderful scriptures that I think will encourage and remind all of us of God's design for fellowship, especially among parents. 

In this day of social networking, we are much more apt to share our controversial opinions since they are hidden behind a computer screen.  Whether it be politics or parenting, I think we’ve all spouted out something on Facebook, Twitter, our blog, or a forum, that has caused a raucous.  As Christians, we often feel the need to correct other believers who are not parenting quite as “biblically” as we are.  It so easy to judge and condemn other parents when we are standing on the outside looking in, or even easier when our only relationship with them is online.

In order to make the most of fellowship and its benefits, I think there are a few things we need to remember.  We all have to be cautious to respect one another. Its so imperative not to get defensive or offended because people choose to parent a different way. God made us all unique and gave us unique children meant just for us. None of us will agree 100%, except (I hope and pray) that Jesus died for our sins and rose from the dead and that He is our Lord and Savior.

Another thing to consider is that those in opposition to your choices may be parents young in their faith (or just young parents). Even if there IS error in their ways, they certainly will not be won over by argument, but by love, as an unbelieving husband is won over by his submitted wife (1 Pet 3:1-2). We are told that a gentle answer turns away wrath (Prov 15:1). We are also to rebuke gently (Gal 5:6) and let the Holy Spirit do the convicting if there is sin (John 16:8).

The truth is we all have something to learn from one another. A few years ago I judged "AP" (attachment parenting) parents. Now I respect them and take from that style of parenting what works for my family. I stopped judging fellow believers by their choices and started judging them by their sin (1 Cor 5:12). 

You see, there is a difference.  And I think thats what far too many people are too lazy to figure out.  The bible teaches us the difference between sin and feelings, sin and opinions, sin and parenting styles.  AP is not sin.  Bottle feeding is not sin.  Spanking is not sin.  NOT SPANKING is not sin.  

Parenting is tough business.  God gave us fellowship so that we can share with one another. However, He cautions us to avoid arguments, quarreling and strife.

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Prov 20:3

It is to one's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.

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Matt 5:9

Blessed are the peacemakers

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Heb 12:14

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.

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Prov 19:11

A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense.

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Heb 12:24

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

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1 Pet 4:8

Above all love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.

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Gal 6:10

Therefore, as we have opportunity let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

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Rom 12:18

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

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Eph 4:2-3

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

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1 Cor 1:26-31

"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.'"

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This passage and back through verse 10 basically tell us to stop thinking we are so wise and knowledgable in our ways (of parenting). We all came from foolishness in one way or another. For us to judge and argue that our way is best, is only more foolishness. It is Christ in whom we should boast. He is the One who gives us wisdom in parenting. He is the One who guides each mom or dad to do what is best for their child. Who are we to tell a mom or dad how they should parent? "Who has known the mind of the Lord or become his counselor?" (Rom 11:34)

Sharing our experiences and things we have learned is helpful to one another. It is the way we can "spur one another on toward love and good deeds" (Heb 12:24).

But we have to avoid the temptation to argue our way is best, as that only creates division and strife. 

The church was divided in the first century and it will be until Christ's return. It was difficult enough within the local church.  Now with the social networking revolution, we as Christian must choose to be different.

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Rom 14:1-23

Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.

You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written:

“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,

‘every knee will bow before me;

every tongue will acknowledge God.’”

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

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How we parent (or whether or not you eat kosher, drink alcohol, observe the sabbath, etc) is between each one of us and God. As long as we are doing it for God and by conviction of the Holy Spirit that is what matters. If we are insecure in our parenting perhaps it's time to sit down with God and His Word and seek out His will for our parenting.

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1 Rom 15:5, 7

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ had...Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

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Rom 15:14

I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct each other.

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We are able to fellowship and share with one another our struggles, our successes, our fears, our failures. We are able glean wisdom from those who have gone before us. We all need an extra dose of humility as parents because, of course, we think our kids are the most loved, sweetest, smartest, and most beautiful things God created. He MADE us to feel that way about them, as He feels that way about each one of us. And I think if we remember that last part it will help us to be humble, keeping in mind we are ALL His children, made in HIS image. 

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Gal 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

So don’t give up being different for Jesus.  Don’t be a self righteous parent. Be a righteous parent, through the grace of Christ.  We are made righteous though the washing of his shed blood on the cross (Rev 7:14).  By nothing that we have done, not by breastfeeding, scheduling, co-sleeping, spanking, training, homeschooling, attachment parenting, or anything else. Only by what Jesus did once and for ALL, on the cross, can we be made righteous.  Only through acknowledging our inability to be the perfect parent can we humbly obey His command to train our children in the way THEY should go (Prov 22:6).  God calls each one of us to different ministry.  We are all to preach the gospel but we all do it in many different ways.  Why would we then not train in many different ways, all equally acceptable and effective for pointing children in the way they should go. 

We Christians need to stop thinking we are always so right.  Let’s stop trying to be right and start trying to be righteous, not by our might or our power, but by His Spirit (Zac 4:6).

Amen?

So much to do...so little time...

Next to my bed lay countless books...at least 10 that I want to read. Next to that lay my guitar that I want to play. Out in the dining room sits my child whom I want to teach. In the laundry room lay the laundry I need to fold. In the kitchen lay the dishes I should put in the dishwasher. In the fridge lay the ingredients I need to make dinner soon. In the living room lay the couch I wish I spent more time on. On the buffet lay my work files and laptop waiting for me to do year end.

And where am I? I am in bed. Laying on an ice pack and resisting the temptation to do all those things. Resting and contemplating my situation.

Why is it that when we are motivated something always slows us down. Well I guess that can be attributed to Satan. He is very good at breaking any resolve we may have to do the right things.

Or maybe it's God saying "Liz, Liz, you are troubled by many things but only one thing is needed."

"And P.S. if you wont rest and be still with Me on your own accord I'll help you slow down some other way."

Ok God. I'm listening. What do you want from me? What are the important things in this life. Reveal them to me that I may spend my time more wisely worshipping and honoring you in everything I do.