Two days back on the little yellow pill. I have clarity, focus, control. Instead of getting overwhelmed by my surroundings I take one issue at a time and attempt to remedy it. I can see past how I FEEL about it and actually make a plan to change it and if I can't change it, I pray for God to help me accept it.
I opened myself up and shared how I felt. Originally I wrote that blog post to remind myself of truth the next time my mind convinces me that the little yellow pill is evil. I wrote it to help me remember how sick I really am.
I didn't know how many people would be encouraged. How many could relate. How many would be affected by my struggle. Hours after I posted God met me and blessed me. He showed me the tiniest glimpse of his plan for me in this. He brought so much joy.
I feel so unworthy of being used by him. I feel so incredibly useless. I'm a mess that no one should follow. But that's how he uses us. He uses our mess. He uses our weakness. It doesn't make sense in our limited minds. But he does it anyway. And it works. And God is glorified.
"Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever" (Westminster Catechism). We were not created to be happy, to live a long, good life, to have fame and glory. No, we were created to glorify God and that's ALL. That's a hard "pill" to swallow sometimes. But it's truth. The bible is full of passages that prove this truth. God is love and he loves us and he has plans to give us a hope and a future. But ultimately, HE is to be glorified in ALL things. And he will do that however he pleases. He is God. I am not.
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