Are we mature yet?

My fathers procedure for the stomach feeding tube insertion yesterday did not go well. They were unable to complete the procedure and he was very badly affected by the anesthesia. He now has only IV as a source of nutrients. His heart started beating irregularly today which the nurse told my step mom was a sign that he was nearing the end. If he makes it through the weekend she has pretty much decided to put him in hospice house Monday and remove all the tubes and let him go comfortably. He has been so agitated by the tubes and the anesthesia (due to Alzheimer's), she just really thinks he cant take anymore. The pneumonia is not clearing and now that there is no feeding tube there is no sense in dragging things out. I completely understand and agree with her decision but it doesn't make it any less sad. Most likely, either DH or a friend will drive me down there tomorrow. It all depends what I hear tonight/tomorrow morn and how L is doing.

L has pretty much been the same today - diarrhea and another huge vomit (all over me). The diaper rash is much better though. I spoke to the doctor's office and they said this was going around - not too force food on him but just get him to take little sips of clear fluids and if he can hold that down then maybe some crackers. He held down some flat gingerale and maybe like one saltine. So that is a start. He started to perk up a little this evening. He was asking for cheese to eat but we wouldn't give it to him. We are just sticking with the most easily digested stuff. Most things he eats he spits out, even if he says yummy when he puts them in his mouth (i.e. teddy grahams).

I am getting ready to head to bed now. I wasn't able to sleep earlier because I just kept thinking, but I journaled some stuff about my dad and that helped me start processing the grief.

Pray for sleep to come quickly and easily and that I can sleep through the night. And that L sleeps all night with no more explosions of any sort. Pray for wisdom for us to know what to do tomorrow. Thank you everyone.