Peace that Passes Understanding

We just arrived home from visiting my Dad. It took me so long to decide if I should go and I'm so glad I did. I was able to truly say goodbye, knowing it was the end. I was also able to connect with and process some grief with my Step-Mom. I can not even fathom what she has gone through, not only the past few weeks, but the years of caring for my dad as his health has been failing. She loves him so dearly - it is plain to see.

One thing I took away from the visit today was a huge sense of gratitude. I am so thankful to have Christ in my life. I truly have a peace that passes understanding (Phil 4:7). I think to some of my family members it may seem odd and almost stoic but I just have full confidence in God's will and accept that this is what is best for my father. This is not to say that I'm not sad or don't cry. While I was alone with him I let it out and I know that I will continue to do so as grief tends to come in waves for me. But unlike most of my family I have the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our troubles (2 Cor 1:3-4). I have a God who turns my mourning into dancing (Psalm 30:11). He is with me and I am with Him (1 John 4:13). I have his peace like a river flowing through me (Isaiah 66:12) and I will not be shaken (Psalm 16:8). I praise Him for His love and kindness. I praise Him for all the wonderful memories I have of my Dad and that I have no regrets.

Although today my dad is truly on his death bed, I am grateful to be getting back to some sense of normalcy within my household. L is feeling much better and I am on the other side of this cold. DH and I have avoided the plague, although friends ended up with what L got, somehow we were protected. As I read through James last night (since the beginning of it has been my theme verse all week), I found so many more amazing reminders of walking in obedience and God's promises when we do. As we have persevered through these last few weeks, this particular verse stuck out most:
James 5:11
As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

Although I have experienced a few trials in the past month, I have not the slightest comprehension of the loss suffered by Job. Yet through all his suffering, Job continued to be faithful to God and God blessed him. I know that God has poured out his compassion and mercy over me. He has kept me strong in faith and protected me from myself. He has put his arms around me and said "its okay, I've got you." Although I might be losing my earthly father I have an amazing heavenly father who is able to do exceedingly more abundantly than I could ever hope for or imagine (Eph 3:20) and for that I can never be thankful enough.