Draw Near to God and He wil Draw Near to You

Dad is receiving hospice care in the hospital. All tubes but a catheter and oxygen have been removed. He is receiving morphine for pain and Adavan for anxiety and is very comfortable. He is not responsive though he is conscious. It is a matter of hours to a few days at this point.

L seemed to be having a better morning. He did have some diarrhea but ate a piece of toast and probably drank 8 oz of gingerale since yesterday. DH had gotten the hot tub all set up this week and we have all been getting in it as a fun distraction (don't worry its only 99 degrees). He and L went "swimming" this morning. Later L started screaming and crying uncontrollably and tugging at his ear. We decided to call the doc and took him to the ER to get checked. It looks like he has a little wax build up and probably water trapped in there. The canal was a little swollen but the ear drum looked fine so it is not an inner ear infection at this point. They gave us some drops to dry it up and hopefully keep it from getting infected.

L was so tired he fell asleep at the ER while we were waiting to be discharged. When we got home he asked for toast so he had another slice. We went up to do stories and nap and he was like his old self again. Reading, counting, interacting with the stories. So I am hoping this is a trend and he is really on the mend this time.

I had trouble falling asleep and finally took some Tylenol PM at 12:30. I slept til about 9:30. Still exhausted but sleep alludes me so I'm just resting when I can. Its pretty hard to shut my mind off with out some kind of distraction.

There are so many lessons that God has been teaching us through all this. I cant begin to thank Him for His grace and mercy throughout this whole week. It seems at times that nothing else could go wrong but the reality is we have so much to be grateful for. We are all still here together. Baby boy is healthy and seems to be thriving (from all the jumping jacks he's been doing in there). L is not hooked up to an IV in the hospital and DH doesn't even have a sniffle.

Not to mention how these trials just continue to draw us closer to God. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He has drawn near to us. I know that I could not get through any of this without relying on His strength. I would have given up long ago, shut myself up in bed and just cried. I would have been screaming at DH that everything was his fault and I would have caused nothing but aggravation and upset to L who needs me to be calm and loving. God is with us and we are so grateful.

As I considered my present sufferings while lying awake last night, God reminded me of something I said to a friend a exactly one week ago (a day before I was admitted to the hospital) and I plan on taking my own advice:

"Remember that as Children of God we share in the sufferings of Christ and that He endured the ultimate suffering on our behalf on the cross.

Rom 8:17-18
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
2 Cor 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Phil 3:8-11
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
1 Pet 4:12-13
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

Finally remember that sometimes God allows us to suffer, not because of anything we have done, or for a punishment, but because He is doing an amazing work in our lives:

John 9:1-3
As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

Its okay to cry, its okay to be sad. But don't let sadness and depression push you away from God, let it push you toward Him. Let him turn your morning into gladness (Jer 31:13)."